Behavioural targeting, or BT as it is also fondly referred to in the digital advertising industry, is a means of advertisers being able to track internet users behaviour and make assumptions on what that user is “in-market” for and what characteristics they may have. Female, aged 30-40? Computer says “disposable income, university educated, potential home owner and baby maker”.

These assumptions are made by tracking the kind of things you do and read online, your gender, your location and sometimes your age (email companies know how old you are and hence so do the rest of the internet data world).
Even if you don’t care to have a deeper understanding of the rights and wrongs of BT as I do, you have however no doubt recognised when you have been behaviourally targeted whilst browsing the internet.

Perhaps you have been emailing a friend and noticed that you are being bombarded with holiday adverts, all since popping on to Lastminute.com for a sneaky peak during your lunch hour?
Or maybe you were having a good old gander through your news feed in Facebook, only to come across a sponsored post from a company selling new beds …. and you were only on the Loaf and John Lewis website 10 minutes ago! UNREAL! The minute you’ve shown an ‘interest’ in something, the commercial world and his wife are there, hoping to encourage you to spend your cash wherever you go.

Essentially, the technology of BT identifies you based on assumption.
It dawned on me recently that not only can the virtual world assume what my next move in life will be, behaviour but that the real world does it too.
Can anything be a secret anymore more or am I getting so predictable I can be put into a box, where the virtual and real world can guess my next move?

So my big secret is that I am pregnant. 5 months up the duff and last week, we found out it’s a girl! I couldn’t be happier! My feminist project will now reach a whole new level of epic proportions….. if she ends up married at 22 and tied to her husband’s coat tails, oh god forbid!

Anyway, back to the big news in hand:
The only slightly negative aspect of “this magical time” pregnancy, is that one trip to sign up for the Baby Centre emails in week 2 and I am now followed by every baby related device under the sun. Adverts for pregnancy tests, fertility tests, nappies, formula, baby clothing stores and the list goes on. My small world is filled with never ending reminders, I’m going to be a Mum! As if the constipation, weight gain, itchy skin and constant tiredness aren’t enough.

Then the minute the 12 week silence is up, you can finally start telling the real world that you are not bloated and boring these days, you are simply pregnant: the real world bombards me with the baby stuff too.
Will I be breast-feeding? Do I want a natural birth? Will I want a second baby? Have I got the latest Maxi Cosy? Will I want to work even more part-time than I do now?

It’s a bizarre world where Mother’s tell you “nothing can prepare you” and that “your birthing plan will go out the window”, to then be asked if you will be working part-time and breast feeding exclusively for 6 months …..hmmmm, as I can’t be prepared, I really don’t know!

And don’t get me started on the “Do you think you’ll want a second one”. I know people who haven’t been able to just go on and produce a second …. or a first for that matter, so maybe we should all stop being so nosey/ assumptive.

I do understand that people are really being kind, trying to offer advice and just taking an interest. But I think in order to try and allow people to keep a bit of them in-tact, we need to go easy on the assumptions and nosey nature that pregnancy encourages.

I totally know that once my Daughter makes an appearance, my life will take a back seat further than the distance from front to back in our 1.4 Astra. Maybe of limousine proportions. But all of the questions and assumptions of how I might or should be, make me feel I am gravitating slowly but surely into a standard Mummy-shaped box. I might LOVE it and turn into a Super Nanny or Gina Ford type. I may not – I have no idea right now.

The more we “BT” people, the more we scare them into becoming a certain way. The more we make them want to become part of that infamous “Mother’s circle” where we all adore our children, yet love nothing more than the chance to moan about what a sacrifice it has been and how different life is to before.

Ultimately, everyone copes and when I experience moments of doubt, I always think “If Kerry Katona and Helen Flannigan can do this, I’ll be OK”? Surely?!

I really want to do things my own way.
Even though my book chapters are about to change into a whole new world of the story, I am still the book cover as it were. There are some bits of Motherhood, I don’t want to chose and I don’t want people other people’s expectations of “a Mother” to be put onto me.
I shall let you know how my personal challenges go but I’d really like to still be able to have a girls night out every 3-6 months. I want to try and still look and dress for my age, not leap straight into Boden and the like. When the little dude is 9 months and I have to put her in nursery (sob), I will still have one day a week to myself for my hobbies to thrive, while one of her Grandma’s fusses over her.

I’d love to hear about people that have managed to do the Motherhood thing, in their own unique style.
I am currently on the look out for any inspirational beads I can get from my peers who have made Motherhood completely their own. My current favourite inspiration is a pal we shall call Joan.

I worked with Joan 5 years ago. When I left the place we worked at, she was off on maternity, in her own words, having a “Sprog”. A lot has happened in those 5 years and Joan has coped tremendously well, in a way that makes me proud to say “I worked with her”.
She has coped with divorce and has therefore, been raising her now 5 year old sprog, pretty much alone (with help from her Mum of course) and running a home and all the other bits that go with.
However, it’s those other bits that go with the ordinary, that are less ordinary with Joan.
She’s still found time to learn to pole dance, ride and buy a motorbike, quit a well-paid job and take brave steps to set up her own creative businesses. That’s right: businesses PLURAL. Atta Woman! Oh and she has recently been over to Calais with donations for the Syrian refugees. WOWZERS.

I want to love pregnancy and Motherhood but also embrace the individual style of the Mother and baby.

We all came here to experience and our experiences don’t need to look the same or embody the same set of characteristics as others. No matter what those bloody BT adverts tell me and some of those forums on the likes of Mum’s Net.
I am too young for Boden. I will fight incontinence the same way I’ll fight for the best pre-baby body possible and not get called Self-Obsessed or selfish! I will read other content that doesn’t just consist of the word “Pump” and “pumping” on repeat.
I’d love to hear about anyone with a unique Motherhood situation. More and more couples I know are looking at shared maternity leave, adoption and same sex parenting: what does this look and feel like in 2015?

To this end, I say whatever your next secret mission is, travelling, wedding, IVF, quitting the job you don’t like for something you love, enjoy the uniqueness of your situation and the individual way you will handle it.
Don’t ask other’s too much for advice. Try and listen to your gut. How do you want to tackle the mission and how will you make it unique? What do you want out of this?
Look to surprise yourself and always think outside of that behavioural targeting box!

In-fact the more you do, the more Big Brother will applaud you.
When I say Big Brother, I mean us, the ladies….. sat inspiring each other to do more, learn more and push those boundaries.
Most of all to never, ever make sweeping genderalisations and assumptions about what and how we should tackle our personal life chapters and experiences. A-Men!